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Smelled like a woman. Danced like a woman. Even kissed like a woman, but as we arrived back at his apartment he reversed his car into a tight parking slot in one fluid movement... ! That’s when I thought “Wait a f’ing minute...”In the Pub the other day I was telling that old joke about what you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath. Answer; throw in your washing.We were all having a good laugh about this, when this big bastard tapped me on the shoulder and said “I don’t find that very funny. My brother was an epileptic and he died in the bath during one of his fits...”I said “Sorry mate. Did he drown?”“No,” he said, “he choked on a sock.”The wife came out of the bathroom and said “I have just shaved my bits and you know what that means don’t you?”I said “Yeah, the bloody plug hole is blocked again.”An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was not used to the salt in American foods (French. They all had narrowpointed toes and many she had worn to class were so low cut that Andycould often see some of her toes as she walked back and forth in frontof the class constantly distracting him with the delicate click of herstilettos on the tiled floors. He wondered how she walked so easily,with such grace; he wondered why she never seemed to sit and hide herwonderful legs behind the large desk and he wondered why she alwaysseemed so comfortable unlike his mother's constant "my feet are killingme."The obsession with high heels went back as far as Andy could remember.As a little child his mother had regularly scolded him when she foundhim playing in her shoes. Little did she know that he was still wearingthem when she was not there to catch him. But mother's shoes were stilltoo large for him ? she wore size 8B and they were all too loose. Withthe exception of one old pair she also had no high stiletto heels likeMs. Robinson's. What his mother called high heeled shoes all had.
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